The deeper meaning behind the fear of eating in front of your partner
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Recently, you might have spotted some memes focusing on girls eating in front of the people they’re dating. 

Usually, the meme includes the caption: ‘Girls eating in front of their partners vs me’, with a couple of photos alongside it – the first showing a girl looking embarrassed about eating, and the latter a girl who doesn’t care at all.
Many may assume that this simply says one girl is completely comfortable while another girl doesn’t want to be judged for the way she eats or how much.
The memes tend to get loads of retweets from women who can relate – either to not giving a toss about eating in front of someone they’re dating, or to the common discomfort that comes with digging into a burger in front of someone new.
There are lots of reasons behind an insecurity around eating in front of your partner, but for many, things run much deeper.
Zoe, 21, told Metro.co.uk that a battle with an eating disorder is what led her to feeling uneasy about eating in front of her partner.
She said: ‘For years, I lived with bulimia, and while I had recovered from the binge eating and the purging, eating in front of people was always hard for me – though it resonated mainly with partners.
‘When I first started dating my current partner, I remember refusing food when we were out together.
‘I didn’t want him to see me eat because I didn’t want him to associate me with food or weight.
‘It sounds silly now I think back to it, but at the time, eating in front of him was hard.’
She continued: ‘Of course there were times when we had to eat together – lunch, dinner, and if we went out for food, but I was very careful in the way I did it.
The deeper meaning behind the fear of eating in front of your partner
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
‘I’d often never order what I wanted to – always looking at the calories and making sure I ate less than him. One time I even ordered a meal I didn’t like because it was the only meal healthier than his.’
For Zoe, as her relationship went on and she disclosed her eating disorder and the way it had affected her, she felt more comfortable eating in front of her partner.
‘I remember he called me out on my eating habits one time and asked me why I always had trouble ordering or eating in front of him,’ she explained.
‘I pretty much had a breakdown there and then as I struggled to keep up a facade – but he was incredibly understanding and made it clear that he wasn’t judging me.
‘Though my eating habits were hard to get out of – as they’d become exactly that, a habit – I slowly managed to rid myself of the obsessiveness and insecurity and taught myself how to eat in front of my partner.’
She added: ‘I’m grateful for the conversation we had. I’m pretty sure that had we never had it, I’d still have trouble eating in front of him today.’
The deeper meaning behind the fear of eating in front of your partner
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
The insecurity of eating in front of a partner doesn’t just come from previous trauma – sometimes it can be inflicted by the partner.
23-year-old Lauren said that she didn’t have a problem with eating food in front of others until she met her now ex-boyfriend.
Lauren had struggled with her weight, and felt unable to overcome her body issues due to nasty comments regarding her eating habits.
She told us: ‘I used to eat fine but then I gained a lot of weight and became obsessed with losing it and dieting. It seemed my ex became obsessed with me losing it, too.
‘If I even ate something remotely unhealthy he would say “I thought you were dieting” and “you can’t complain about your weight if you’re eating that”, and so I’d end up indulging in another room on my own to avoid his comments.
‘I ended up becoming so obsessed with food and the fear of being judged by him that if I wanted a treat I’d eat it elsewhere or purge if he saw me eating.’
The deeper meaning behind the fear of eating in front of your partner
(Picture: MMuffin)
Lauren went on to say that her ex’s weight was another factor in her becoming ashamed of eating.
She said: ‘He was naturally so skinny so he ate what he wanted, which just made me feel ashamed to eat anything that wasn’t healthy.
‘He made me feel as though I should feel guilty for doing so and not be upset that I’m “fat” because hey I’m the one eating the chocolate bar!’
Eventually Lauren found the courage to leave the relationship after it completely deteriorated and she decided enough was enough.
Just a few months later, she met her current boyfriend, who has done nothing but support her and make her feel beautiful. Over time, she has found the confidence to eat in front of her partner and to enjoy food without being made to feel bad about it.
‘My current boyfriend made me feel so comfortable so early on,’ says Lauren.
‘Even though I still get those thoughts he always reassures me and never makes me feel bad for eating or treating myself.
11 things you should know, if you know someone who has panic attacks (Jo Irwin) Mmuffin---Metro
(Picture: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk)
‘Even now I still get thoughts. Say I went out with friends: I’d see what everyone’s ordering first before picking something because I don’t want people to point out how much I’m eating – but I know deep down that’s just my ex’s comments trying to break me down again, and I won’t let that happen.’
While there are many reasons that people may fear eating in front of their partner, Click For Therapy‘s Rebecca McCann, says that overall, it’s a type of social anxiety.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘It can be linked with a fear of being evaluated by others. It may be that there has been a direct incident in the person’s past where they have had a negative experience of eating in front of others, [whether it’s] being told that they eat in an anti-social manner, [or one bad] comment or an event.
‘This has manifested into a fear of eating in front of their partner, someone whose opinion of them means a lot.
‘It may also be linked with low self esteem, a feeling of not being good enough that add to feelings of anxiety.
‘It’s more common than you think as many people just don’t talk about it!’
Counselor Seth Gillman adds: ‘People worry they may look unattractive while eating, or make a social error such as spilling a drink, choking, or becoming flushed from spicy food.
‘When the other person is your partner these anxieties may be magnified due to the closeness and intimacy of the relationship.’
Schitzotribe_Illustration_Liberty Antonia Sadler_Metro schizophrenia illustration
(Picture: Liberty Sadler)
In terms of overcoming the fear, Rebecca explains: ‘Absolutely it can be overcome. There are different ways to overcome this fear, the first is acknowledging that it’s there, and then getting to the bottom of where it came from is often helpful – this can be done through talking therapies and even hypnosis.
‘This combined with challenging the fear through CBT techniques can be successful.’